We are who we are.

People don't play sports because its fun.

Ask any athlete, most of them hate it, but they couldn't imagine their life with out it.

Its part of them, the love/hate relationship.

Its what they live for.

They live for the practices, parties, cheers, long bus rides, invitationals, countless pairs of different types of shoes, water, Gatorade, & coaches you hate but appreciate.

They live for the way the hate when someone sitting outside cheers their opponent, or even takes his/her side.

They live for the way it feels when they beat the other team, and knowing those two extra sprints they ran in practice were worth it.

The live for the way they feel after a defeat, and promise themselves to bounce back higher next time.

They live for the way they become a family with their team, they live for the countless songs they sing in their head while training all those hours.

They live for the competition, they live for the friends, the practices, the memories, the pain.

Its who they are.

It's who we are.. :')

A Beautiful Mess

This is purely a work of fiction.

__________________________

I am not the most optimistic person you will come across. No. I don't expect the best. You'll ask why I'm so cynical. I'll answer this question today. I'll answer everyone who complains of my being a pessimist.Once upon a time, there was a happy-go-lucky girl inside me. With no fears, doubts. Only hopes and aspirations. She was an idealist. She believed everything happened for the best. She loved colors.They made her feel alive. She loved the rainbow and would get excited at the sight of one. She said some stuff she shouldn't have sometimes, but that's okay, because she loved herself. She clumsily applied nailpaint. She loved cupcakes, and the icing on them. She thought everything and everyone was perfect. She was extraordinary. She loved. Immensely. Passionately. Truly. Deeply.

But not very long ago, her trust, faith was ripped apart. She came to know that everything has a bad side, and often, the bad takes over the good. The demons take over the angels. She was exposed to the ugly truth of life. And there she was, with her existence significant to no one but herself, sitting with her legs hugging her chest, with a river of tears flowing from her heavily kohled eyes, sniffing, puffy red swollen eyes..she just sat there. Silent and calm. There were so many question she wanted answers to. So many untold stories she wanted to hear. She wanted to know...so much. Some things are better left unsaid. She told herself. But the other part of her wanted to know. Every single detail. Every single moment. Every single truth. She lost control. She lost faith. She lost hope. She stopped loving. She stopped caring. She stopped..living. She was no more than a dead body.

Materialistic things stopped bothering her. As a matter of fact, nothing bothered her. Her existence was as good as nil. Each day went by..nothing changed. No one cared. She still sat in her dark room. With only one window which let some light peep through. Her legs hugging her chest. with a river of tears flowing from her heavily kohled eyes, sniffing, puffy red swollen eyes..she just sat there. She is the most fragile thing you've ever seen. It's like she would break any moment. Only with a touch. She looks beautiful.

She always prayed to God for a savoir. The one who would break all the chains, all the barriers and would set her free.The one who would make her feel beautiful. The one who would love her and embrace her with her flaws and imperfections. The one wouldn't promise her a miracle, but who will always be trying, for trying is what is important. But disappointed she was. She lost faith in God. She turned to Atheism. She thought if there was any God at all, He wouldn't let her go through so much pain and agony and misery. He would comfort her when she needed him to. He would give her strength and courage to face life. He would correct everything. He would...be there fixing her problems.

But most of all,

He would've have let her become the girl the originally was.

Diwali! :D

Diwali is here. My favourite time of the year :D Yay yay yay

The festivity. The colours. The dressing up. The rangolis. The diyas. The candles.

All of this makes me feel alive. I love each and every bit of it :D

So here's wishing everyone A VERRRY HAPPY DIWALI

Light your inner flame..and shine on ;)

To-do list.

Everyone has desires, wishes, et all. I do, too. I decided to make a Wishlist/Bucket list/to-do list. Here it goes. xD

1. I want to write a book. An autobiography, maybe? Writing is my passion. Period.

2. I want to travel all over the world. No tension, stress. Just trying to find myself in me.

3. I want to have a grand house. With books, books, books..and well books :D

4. I want to learn how to sing. I know I'm terrible at it, so I want to learn how to sing beautifully and then perform at a concert :D

5. I want to dance for 12 hours straight. In 6 inch heels. YES. xD

6. I want to go deep sea diving. Life underwater is MUCH MUCH better.

7. I want to put up an exhibition of my Artwork. Someday. Sigh*

8. I want to try motor racing. Thinking about makes me all excited. Trying it would be super cool. B-)

9. I want to lie on a beautiful beach. Look at the night sky. And fall asleep while counting the stars.:')

10. For once in my life, I want to be content and happy with whatever I have. Yes. I want to live a life without any worries.

"Everyone lives and dies, but some people, DIE AND LIVE "

Death. A small word isn't it? But a deep meaning it carries.

Death does not only affect one person, but the family, friends, well wishers of the person. Right?

Today morning, one of the World's greatest visionaries, Steve Jobs passed away of pancreatic cancer. Sad. That man was such an inspiration to so many of us. He started with nothing, but he grew to become what he was. He didn't receive formal education, but he was wise enough to set up a multi-million business. Education from an Ivy League college isn't as important as talent, hard work and dedication. Isn't he a perfect example for that? I think so.

So, here's to the greatest entrepreneur of all times. We salute you, sir!

May your soul rest in peace.

Our prayers and wishes are always with you.

Ox

Beautiful Chaos.

The beautiful chaos of life has turned ugly,

My existence now is not free.

My heart doesn't feel, nor does my soul express,

My mind is in distress.

I am so caught up in life, I have forgotten to live,

Love I have forgotten to give.

My existence is no more than a hollow form of life,

Nothing now hurts, even what once hurt like a knife.

You can stab my wounds till blood spurts,

But I swear it wouldn't hurt.

You can say the most spiteful words,

But I promise they will go unheard.

Whatever you do, I'm going to be immune to it,

For now I have a lot of grit.

But the desires I had as a child are still alive.

I want to smile a little before I cry,

I don't ever want to give up before I try.

I want to say the truths before I lie,

I want to live a little; love a little before I die...

Deception.

She had always been loved, but never pampered.

Her needs were fulfilled, but not all her wishes had been heard.

She never demanded, or never complained;

Never hungry for fame.

She was satisfied with the life she led, a happy being she was,

Trouble to anyone she would never cause

She was every man’s dream,

But she was never hungry for all the cream

She had something in her which made her unique,

Her emotions she would never let leak.

She had a fire in herself which would make everything possible for her,

She never let herself break; she held each pure part of her together.

Never sabotaged, always chaste – that describes her best.

They say love knocks on your door when you expect it the least, and it was true for her,

She had fallen head over heels for Him, when he was around she would just look at him, rest of the world would get blur

She never thought he would feel the same,

Feelings of sadness gripped her mind, feelings of anxiety came

Every single night, she cried until her tears dried

He had taken her emotions for a ride,

And the best part was- he didn’t even know

He never knew about the emotions that in her mind would flow.

But secretly, he loved her more than anything he could possibly love

She to herself was an ugly duckling, but to him she was the prettiest dove.

She didn’t have the perfect face,

Or even the tiniest waist.

But he was never interested in materialistic things; inner beauty was important to him

In that she was certainly proper and prim.

One fine day he asked if she would marry him, she was mum.

She had never been a Princess to anyone,

But if it was for him, she was ready to make an exception.

For she knew, there would be no chance of deception.

A Mother She Wasn't

I see a faint shadow in the hallway

As I look closer, I see my mother sway.

With flawless skin and perfect hair, I see her looking at me,

She has a crazy look in her eyes as she continues staring at me.

Looking at her gleaming eyes, I’m awe struck.

I forget all she did to me, how she screwed up my fate and luck.

When I was tiny and fragile, she left me crying,

Slowly I was dying.

What she did to me no mother ever would,

What she did to me no mother ever could.

She walks towards me and I hear the familiar footsteps,

All what she did to me is slowly coming back, how she wasn’t there when I first smiled, how she wasn’t there to wipe the tears I wept.

How she wasn’t there when I needed her the most,

How I never had a mother about whom I could boast.

Without any reason, she left, and I hoped and prayed and wished she would come back,

But…she didn’t, because maybe feelings of love she lacked.

All my life I spent cursing and hating her;

Wishing her to be near.

She had chosen a different path, after all

From the edge where she put me, she had let me fall.

When I finally met the mother who made my life hell, I froze with fear

Whatever excuses she made for leaving I forced myself not to hear.

I couldn’t speak, hear or sense,

All my life, I had seen her from behind a blurry lens.

I couldn’t believe she was no supernatural power, but actually a mortal being,

I couldn’t believe with my own two eyes I was seeing.

But what she did to me was beyond the pale

She turned her back on my and pretended not to hear me wail

So, I do the same,

And let her rot with shame.

I force myself to forget the bond we shared, to forget the mother daughter we ever were,

..And I close my eyes as tight as they can go, I let the tears drip and I walk out on her.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Also, this is my 40th post. Cheers to me! :D

Seems like yesterday when I started this blog. Time flieeeees.

....and I give myself away.

One thousands thoughts come to my mind,

Answers I'm looking for I can't find.

Questions are in abundance, but replies to none.

Every time I try to defy life, I realize it has won.

I am confused, and still in a daze;

Very astounded with life’s ways.

Each time I try to be strong,

It rips me apart and proves me wrong.

I have started doubting my reason for living,

Now I’m so fed up of existing.

So, I take the blade and bring it near my wrist

My entire life plays like a black and white movie in front of my eyes,

All the truths come back and so do the lies.

The people who made me proud and the one’s who let me down,

The ones who spread smiles and the ones who spread frowns.

As I think about them, a tear trickles down my face,

I digest the fact that I’ve lost this race.

I gave it my best shot, but it wasn’t enough,

I tired to overcome all the hurdles, no matter how rough.

I climbed the hills, crossed the rivers, and did every possible thing to win,

But sadly it wasn’t as much it would take to get in.

Maybe someone deserved life more than I ever did,

Waiting to enter the rat race, maybe there was a special kid.

So, with absolutely nothing in my head, I stare at my wrist and force my hand to slit it in two ; Finally, I am at ease

After going through hell, I had granted myself eternal peace.

"Why is life so cheap in India? "

Does a single girl feel safe going out at night? Does a woman feel safe to go out and buy groceries? Or, does a man feel safe to go out and work?

I don't think so.

The fear of being raped, molested, or perhaps the fear of being killed in a bomb blast grips the mind of these Indians.

The most elite hotels went through so much and so many important people- businessmen, socialites et all- were killed in the 26/11 blasts, and now the Delhi blasts. Was it the fault of all the people who came to the DHC that they were killed? How can a man be so broke that he can take the lives of so many people just because of his own selfish motives, which can be against a particular religion, community, sect? There has been a blast outside the Delhi High Court, tomorrow it can be outside my school, or maybe RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY GOD DAMN HOUSE.

What is the government really doing for the security of the people? Shouldn't security be the topmost priority? Aren't these lives precious? Aren't the families of the victims and their sentiments of any value to the government?

Yes, they say that 99% of the terror attacks can be prevented, but not all. Alright, I agree. but proper security measures have to be taken.

Has there been any 9/11 in NYC again? Any blast? Any terror attack?

No.

So, why us?

And then the Tamil Nadu train collision. I ask, why is life so cheap in India? Why are people so indifferent? Maybe tomorrow, it can be their family or friends who are dying because of blasts, or the carelessness of the train drivers.

There have been attacks repeatedly maybe because politicians are busy counting money or taking trips abroad. For them, the value of money is more than the lives of innocent people. I don't say all politicians are corrupt, but most of them, yes, they are.

I wish A Raja and Kalmadi had given all that money for the welfare and betterment of the country.

Anna Hazare could fast for corruption, but terrorism? Where are all the activists?

If one man can move the Parliament and Judiciary to such an extent, why don't we all join hands and drive away terrorism ?

Improve the security- thats all I ask for. Make sure your citizens are safe and sound.

Make sure that a single young girl doesn't feel scared to come out at night.

Make sure that when a man goes out for work in the morning, he doesn't fear death. He doesn't worry about how his family will survive if god forbid, something happens because of the lack of security?

The victims of the DHC blasts were forgotten in a mere time span of 2 days, but the World Cup victory? The Academy Awards?

All this showbiz is more important than the lives. Yeah, right.

Yeah I know I'm just saying stuff and not doing anything. But trust me if I could, I most definitely would. Probably because I don't think I'm part of the rat race. I'm probably worried about the safety of people.

BECAUSE I PROBABLY CARE.

And it's high time the Government starts caring as well.

Time et all.

Okay so I fought with two of my closest friends in the past week, and I felt MISERABLE. I mean, why did I have to say such nasty stuff? WHY?

Why can't I just be polite all the time?

Why am I so stuck up?

Why am I so stubborn?

Why don't I listen and just blabber?

My mum always complained of me being stubborn. That is something I want to change about me. Yes, I have said I was proud of whoever I was, but change is necessary, right? Change for the good, obviously. I need to change for the people around me.My family, my friends and all those who matter. Moreover, I HAVE TO CHANGE FOR ME.

I have to become a better person, if not for anyone else, for me. I have to let go all of the anger and sadness and embrace the good stuff..and I'm getting to it..slowly, but yes, I am.

People who are close to me are aware of me being argumentative and stubborn sometimes and when I throw such a fit, they know just what to do - leave me alone.

I need time to think. To talk- to myself. To analyse things. To stop thinking about 947509576973937 things per second. To understand the problem, and find solutions. I just need...time and some more time.

...Some more time to take out for LIFE.

Back to where it all began..

11th of September, 2001.

It changed the lives of hundreds of thousands of people forever. Within a minute, thousands of lives were lost and their families were devastated.

How can there be so much hatred in people that they go on with this massacre? How?

What a world we live in :/ There is no value for life, right?

The wounds of those times are still fresh, aren't they?I don't think they will never heal..

Prayers for those who lost their lives in the tragedy of 9/11, and courage to their families. <3

Rest in peace.

"Time is passing. Yet, for the United States of America, there will be no forgetting September the 11th. We will remember every rescuer who died in honor. We will remember every family that lives in grief. We will remember the fire and the ash, the last phone call..."

George W. Bush

Who cares about a title?

I love Coldplay. How do you know my life story? How? :')

I really think Mayawati needn't send jets to get shoes. Like seriously.

I think Amar Singh deserves jail.

I think exams should be banned.

I think chocolate should not be fattening.

I think some people are silly, and need a life.

I think LMFAO's pretty coool. xD

I think I text too much.

I think RD Sharma's are too thick. And tough.

I think I'm falling in love with the color pink all over again.

I think my phone's not all that bad. At least it still works. (Doesn't mean I don't want a new one, mom and day, I hope you're listening)

I think Blogger is pretty cool.

I think reading random people's random blogs is my new favourite (spell check, it is FAVOURITE, we follow Brit English, FYI. ) passtime

I think Science is not that bad.

I still think I hate Hindi. Ewwww :|

I think I want to party.

I think I want exams to end, before they even start.

I think I can get A1 in Science, let's hope?

I think there's much more to life than religion, sports and politics, like love, laughter, peace and oneness? :)

I think I love Bob Marley.

I think My Sister's Keeper is the most beautiful movie ever.

I think I'm addicted to On the Floor By JLO

I think pulling an all-nighter before and exam and posting about it on Facebook is highly uncool.

I think I'm going to get a good invigilator tomorrow. (PRAAAY)

I think I love the coldness that runs down my spine after the rain.

I think I love coffee. xD

I hate tiny kids. Horrible creatures.

I think I love airplanes. I love airports.

I think this is an utterly pointless post which has been written because of being bored to death (literally), since I have deactivated my Facebook account.

I think...well, um ciaooo :P

.

.

Science.

My head is spinning. Chemical formulas are what I'll be dreaming of tonight. :|

Anywaaaay, I feeel good today.

The rain makes me feel so goood. For a change, mind you. I hate rain otherwise. Its so dull, but I don't know why it is soothing me today.

So, this is to my happy moood, party rock is in the house tooonight! :P

Random pictures #1

One of the best trips ever.

London, 2011

:)

Exams and more.

Exams start on the 10th. Doesn't it seem like it was only yesterday when we had given the March exams..and again they are here to haunt us?! Why? :|

Time flies. Ugh. I hate it.

I'm jealous of everyone who doesn't have to give exams. Even my maid. And my neighbor's dog. SOSOSOSO lucky that doggie is. Eats, sleeps and throws tantrums all day. Doesn't have to go to school for 6 hours and then come back home and study. (What days have come. Dogs have a better life than students. <|3 )

I am dreading the 10th. Don't let it come. Don't let it come. PLEAAAAASEEEE.

Can we just skip 10th to 22nd September and go directly to the 23rd?

I want go and ruthlessly murder the inventor of exams. Silly ass. :| G O D I E.

UGH I HATE EXAMS. MORE THAN A DRUG ADDICT HATES REHAB !

Different? ...or special?

This poem has been written as a girl who is deaf, dumb and blind. She has been left by her parents into a Foster Care home. So, here goes the insight to a hazy mind…

I don’t have the power to see, hear or speak

By everyone around me, I’m regarded as weak,

But the strength that lies inside me is more than any mortal being,

I am dreaming, hoping and believing even though I’m not seeing.

Abandoned by my parents; no one I call my own,

There is no one to groan to, no one to moan.

Everyone says I’m a perfect little girl, with chubby cheeks and pink lips,

But from my eyes thick salty tears drip.

They called me different, but am I at fault?

Thinking about it, sometimes my whole life would come to a halt.

Love I had never known;

I was far from being a whole, in pieces I was torn.

There were so many questions, but there were answers to none

Looking for them was of no fun.

So many untold stories, so many undone things, so many unsolved mysteries,

I didn’t know myself, my past was history.

Memories from my childhood were faded,

To even think about it I hate.

I cry every night to myself silently,

And fight battles in the silent chambers of my soul violently.

Now is the time when I just want to give in,

Life has sucked my happiness and there’s no way I can win.

I can’t fight anymore,

What I want from life, I’m not sure.

There are so many questions that haunt me,

Will I ever be taken care of? Will I ever be free?

Will I ever know happiness or misery is all over my fate?

Will I ever know joy or is it only hate?

Will there ever be a time when people will stop being so indifferent?

…Or will I always be regarded as different?

Half Empty?

I say it’s half empty; you call it half full,

I say push, you say pull.

You call me a pessimist but I argue saying I’m a realist.

I think you’re much of an optimist.

Two ends which will never meet- that’s what we are,

You say near, I say far.

There isn’t a thing, to which we ever agree,

I’m a caged bird and you’re free.

I see whatever there is, I look at the scene just like you,

But could never understand or see what you say you do.

We’re two different souls, struggling to fit into one personality,

You’re always so comfortable, and I’m always stuck with formalities.

Someday I hope your bubbles will burst,

But I’m afraid too much it’d hurt.

Still I hope you come on terms with the reality,

And leave behind all the foolishness, all the causality.

I want you to realize everything worthwhile deserves a fight,

And not all walks of life are bright.

You won’t always get what you want,

Sometimes, memories from your past will haunt.

But I don’t want you to give up hope or stop believing,

I don’t want to see you all the time grieving.

I want you to know that life might put you into troubles, however after that there will be smiles in plenty,

But at the same time, I don’t want you to forget that sometimes, the glass IS HALF EMPTY….

That little girl. :')

Not very long ago, there was this girl. The soul sister types? The one that is supposed to 'be there' for you? The one that will wipe your tears and all that shit? Yes, she qualified for that sort.

I could talk to her about pretty much anything. I could scream, sing, laugh as loudly but she wouldn't care. I could play the silliest games with her, but it'd never be awkward. There wasn't a time when we had to think about what we had to speak about next, we were so comfortable with each other, we would blabber whatever came to our minds. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me, full of life and full of dreams. She loved me.I loved her, and that was what was important. We were best friends forever, or so I thought.

As time passed, we grew up and grew apart, and that's what I hated the most. We never knew there would be a day when we'd cross by each other in school and won't even say hi..but it happened. It cut me like a knife and it hurt so bad. She probably doesn't even care now. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. She was supposed to be there when I passed out of college, when I got a degree. She was supposed to be proud of me. She was supposed to be there when I got married. She was supposed to be my god forsaken bridesmaid. She was supposed to be there when I had kids. She was supposed to be their godmother. She was supposed to be there with the old-wrinkled me, laughing and remembering the good old days. All of this HAD to happen. There was no way it didn't. We planned it to be this way, but it didn't. It just didn't. She was gone with the wind, no proper goodbye. No take care. No see you later in life. No thanks for the good time. The end came...JUST LIKE THAT, JUST TOO SOON.

Now that I look back to all that has happened I realize my feet are cold. My throat dry and my eyes moist, and I picture the Girl who was once my best-friend was just the most familiar stranger I had ever known. She laughed, giggled, smiled, cried with her 'new friends'. People she told me she didn't even like. Is it supposed to be this way? No, it isn't. When you say 'friends forever', you have to stick by it."But that's disregard, you find another friend and then you discard"- The Fray. All i have are memories of her, which are going to get vague day by day, or so i hope. She won't ever know how I feel, so I just close my eyes and let her go..forever..and ever.

.....But no one can deny the fact that that little girl once knew me more than anyone else.

HEROOOOO !

1. Put your iPod (or other source of music) on shuffle mode.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write the name of the song no matter what. No cheating!

If someone says ‘Is this okay?’, you say?”

I stand alone- Godsmack.

“What would best describe your personality?”

Hope you dance- Roan Keating

-

“What do you like in a guy/girl?”
21st Century breakdown.

WHAT THE HELL :|

“How do you feel today?”

Heartless- Kayne West

(:P)

-

“What is your life’s purpose?”

Black and Yellow- Wiz Khalifa

“What is your motto?”
Addicted -Enrique

“What do your friends think of you?”

Dangerous- Akon ft. David

“What do you think of your parents?”

Be with you- Akon.

“What do you think about very often?”

What The Hell- Avril

-

“What is 2+2?”

Baby can I hold you tonight- Roan Keating

“What do you think of your best friend?”

Basshunter- All I Ever Wanted

“What do you think of the person you like?”

Beautiful people- Chris Brown

-

“What is your life story?”
Just can't get enough- Black Eyed Peas

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
The Time - Black Eyed Peas

“What do you think when you see the person you like?”

One Love- Blue

-

“What do your parents think of you?”
I love the way you love me- Boyzone

“What will you dance to at your wedding?”

-Fire Burning- Sean Kingston

“What will they play at your funeral?”

Breathless -Shayne Ward

“What is your hobby/interest?”

All these things I hate about you- BFMV

“What is your biggest secret?”

-Ridin' Dirty - Chamillionare.

“What do you think of your friends?”

Living on a prayer- Bon Jovi.

“What should you post this as?”
Hero- Enrique.

Living Life. The Right Way.

Are you happy?

If according to you, being 'happy' is having the best clothes, the most expensive phone and all that materialistic stuff, I don't think you get what I mean, because probably the people around you don't make you happy, the things around you do. And that ain't real happiness. Happiness is what comes from within, that feeling when everything seems right. Materialistic things can make you happy only for a while, your definition of a while may differ from mine, but anyway.

For Example, shopping makes me happy. Yes, it does. But how long does the happiness of owning a new dress last? Few hours? 1 day? 1 week, at the most? That's not exactly what I'll call 'happiness'.

A 'good morning' or 'good night' message on my phone from an old friend will make me happier than getting a new dress. True thing. A compliment can make my day. A call from a friend can. A hug from mum can.

But asking for happiness all the time is too much to ask for,ain't it?

I mean, you can't be happy all the time. You have to experience sadness so that you can enjoy happiness and all that crap. Right? Expectations, sigh.

Expecting can lead you to disappointments. Living without expecting is impossible. For me, yes, it is. I expect my friends not to let me down, but sadly some of them do. I expect that the people around me should not be nasty. I expect them to comfort me when I don't feel good. I expect them to lift my spirits. I expect them to pacify me. I expect them to make me happy. Like the happy 'happy'. The real sense happy. I expect them to understand all my problems while I don't give a heed to their's.

I expect too much, don't I? That's the root of all problems. Expecting too much. You expect, you get disappointed, you are sad, and the whole drama continues.

I wish the God I don't believe in had made humans in a much more sensible way so that they would never expect, which in turn meant, no disappointments, and thus, no sadness. I wish people would not judge. (Aaaaah, blissful :P ) There would be no black or white, just grey. No one would be pretty or downright ugly, everyone would be equal. No one'd be right, and no one'd be wrong, everyone neutral. No one would be intelligent and no one would be dumb, everyone would be the same....just the same, like robots, maybe? Imagine living in such a world. Too much of perfection, eh?

But I guess, sometimes, you have to be imperfect, you have to make mistakes, act silly, sound stupid, do crazy things, speak too loudly, say the wrong things at the wrong time, live it like it's your last day, sing like you're a Rockstar, dance like crazy and not care about what people thing, you have to just let go the people who make you sad and stick to those who make you happy, eat as much as pepperoni pizza and chocolate and not worry about gaining weight,you're allowed to have red, puffy eyes because of crying too much, you're allowed to get into trouble for giggling too much, you have to let the tears fall,the smiles spread,

SOMETIMES YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXIST...BUT YOU HAVE TO L I V E.

Tagged! :P

Oh, God. What has gotten into me? Tags, and me, seriously? :O

Well, Boredom does things to me, so here goes nothing :

YOUR BOY SIDE—

[x] You love hoodies.

[x] You love jeans.

[x] Dogs are better than cats. ANYDAY.

[] It’s hilarious when people get hurt.

[] Shopping is torture.

[] Sad movies stink.

[] You own a car racing game.

[x]You played with Hot Wheels cars as a kid.

[] At some point in time you wanted to be a fire-fighter.

[] You owned a DS, PS2, N64,or Sega.

[] You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.

[x] You have watched sports on TV. Soccer, Tennis :')

[] Gory movies are cool.

[x] You go to your dad for advice.

[] You own like a trillion baseball caps.

[] You used to collect hockey cards

[x] Baggy sweats are cool to wear.

[x] It’s kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people. YES, it is. Freaks me out.

[x] Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.

[x] You love to go crazy and not care what people think.

[x] Sports are fun.

[] You talk with food in your mouth.

[] You sleep with your socks on at night.

[] You have fished at least once.

YOUR GIRL SIDE—

[x] You love to shop. Live to shop. True thing

[] You wear eyeliner.

[x] You wear the color pink.

[x] You go to your mom to talk.

[] You consider cheerleading a sport.

[] You hate wearing the color black.

[x] You like going to the mall.

[x]You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.

[x] You like wearing jewelry.

[] You cried watching The Notebook.

[x] Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.

[x] Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.

[x] You don’t like the movie Star Wars.

[] You are/were in gymnastics.

[x] It takes you around one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up. Make up consisting of only kajal, but anyway :P I take 45 mins in the shower. :P

[x] You smile a lot more than you should. I giggle ALL the time.

[x] You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.

[x] You care about what you look like.

[x] You like wearing dresses when you can.

[x] You like wearing high heel shoes.

[x] You used to play with dolls as little kid.

[] You like putting make-up on others. How silly is that? :|

[x] You like being the star of everything.

[x] Pink is one of your favourite colors.

Appearance •

[] I am shorter than 5′5″

[x] I have many scars.

[x] I tan/ burn easily. TAN :'(

[] I wish my hair was a different color.

[] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.

[] I have a tattoo.

[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.

[] I’ve had/have braces.

[x] I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.

[] I have more than two piercings.

[] I have / had piercings in places besides my ears.

• Embarrassment •

[x] I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation. YES.

[] Disney movies still make me cry.

[x] I’ve snorted while laughing.

[x] I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.

[x] I’ve glued my hand to something.

[x] I’ve laughed ’til some kind of beverage came out of my nose.

[] I’ve had my pants rip in public.

• Health •

[x] I’ve gotten stitches.

[] Broken a bone.

[] I’ve had my tonsils removed

[] I’ve sat in a doctor’s office with a friend.

[] I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.

[] I’ve had serious surgery.

[] I’ve had chicken pox.

• Traveling •

[x] I’ve driven / riden over 200 miles in one day.

[] I’ve been to Canada.

[] I’ve been to Cuba.

[] I’ve been to Niagara Falls.

[] I’ve been to Ottawa.

[] I’ve gone to Sudbury.

[] I’ve been to the Caribbean.

[x] I’ve been to Europe. England :)

[] I’ve been to Florida.

• Experiences •

[] I’ve gotten lost in my city.

[x] I’ve seen a shooting star.

[x] I’ve wished on a shooting star.

[] I’ve seen a meteor shower.

[] I’ve gone out in public in my pyjamas.

[x] I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.

[] I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts. I'm too good to do that, but I wish I had. *evil smile*

[] I’ve been to a casino.

[] I’ve been skydiving.

[] I’ve gone skinny-dipping.

[] I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.

[] I’ve crashed a car.

[] I’ve been skiing.

[] I’ve been in a musical.

[] I’ve caught a snowflake or snow on my tongue.

[] I’ve seen the Northern Lights.

[] I’ve sat on a rooftop at night.

[x] I’ve played a prank on someone.

[x] I’ve ridden in a taxi.

[] I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

[] I’ve eaten Sushi.

[] I’ve been snowboarding.

• Relationships •

[x] I’m single.

[] I’m in a relationship.

[] I’m engaged.

[] I’m married.

[] I miss someone right now.

[] I’ve gotten divorced.

[] I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.

[] I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.

• Honesty / Crime •

[x] I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.

[x] I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.

[] I’ve snuck out.

[] I’ve lied to my parents about where I am. NEVER

[x] I’ve cheated while playing a game.

[] I’ve ran a red light.

[x] I’ve witnessed a crime. Accidents, if counted? :P

[] I’ve been in a fist fight.

[] I’ve been arrested.

• Death and Suicide •

[x] I’m afraid of dying.

[x] I hate funerals.

[] I’ve seen someone / something dying.

[] Someone close to me has attempted / committed suicide.

[] I’ve written a eulogy for myself.

• Materialism •

[] I own over 5 rap CD’s.

[] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime

[] I own REAL designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.

[] I own something from Pac Sun.

[] I collected comic books.

[x] I own something from The Gap.

[] I own something I got on E-Bay.

[x] I own something from Juicy Couture. Yes, Guilty, I am.

• Random •

[] I can sing well. And I quote my friend, who said "Worse than anything that has a mouth"

[] Stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.

[x] I open up to others easily.

[x] I watch the news.

[] I don’t kill bugs.

[] I sing in the shower.

[] I am a morning person.

[] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.

[] I am a sports fanatic.

[x] I twirl my hair.

[x] I care about grammar.

[] I have “?”’s in my screen name.

[x] I love spam. Hhahaha, yes.

[] I’ve copied more than 30 CD’s in a day.

[] I bake well.

[x] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red, blue, black, purple, or orange.

[x] I would wear pajamas to school. I WISH.

[] I know how to shoot a gun. I want to learn how to shoot, it's like the coolest thing, evaaaar?

[] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS...EvErY nOw AnD tHeN. It's just too wannabe-ish. And dumb.

[] I laugh at my own jokes

[x] I eat fast food weekly. Guilty.

[] I’ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.

[x] I can’t sleep if there is a spider in the room.

[x] I am really ticklish.

[x] I like white chocolate.

[] I bite my nails.

[] I’m good at remembering faces.

[x] I’m good at remembering names.

[x] I’m good at remembering dates.

[] I honestly have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

[x] All my answers were totally honest. Yes, a good girl, I am. O:)

Love lost.

I close my eyes, and the memories flash back as an old movie. The exhibition, the breaks, the cries, the oneness, the love the smiles, the laughter, making fun of weird kids, the periods we bunked, and the tests we never studied for. The classes we attended with full concentration, the tests in which we got straight A’s..and then snap..I’m back to reality.

I remember being told about how you had left us all on this very day last year. As I think about the good and happy times, a tear trickles down my cheek. That day, my world came crumbling down, in front of my eyes, one of the best friends I’ve ever had was taken away from me forever and ever. And trust me, that feeling is the worst, EVER.

People said “Don’t worry, it’s a part of life”, “You’ll get over it”. But guess what? One year. 365 whole days, and I still miss you like I missed you before. The pain is still the same and the wounds as fresh as ever. Time could not heal these wounds, and I don’t think they will ever get any better. That void will never be filled. Your presence will forever be missed. Your smile, your voice, your laughter… each and every bit of it. You weren’t just a friend, but a sister, a guide and a person to rely on. You will never be replaced. True thing.

But on the positive side, I know that somewhere you’re there for me, giving me strength to fight all the troubles life puts my way, all the obstacles I have to face. You’re there to share my joys and there to listen to me as I whine about my problems. I know what wherever you are, you do some kind of magic and my life falls back into place…but the puzzle of my life will never be complete without such an integral part missing.

I miss how you were such a positive person, full of life. Always smiling and making others smile. Always ready to lend a hand. It’s funny how God always takes away the best people and lets the worst live. This is something I have never been able to understand. I never will. Weird, isn't it?

As I think of all this, I close my eyes as tight as they can go... And another tear trickles down my cheek and reaches my neck, and I'm not bothered to wipe it. I'm too preoccupied thinking about the happy times.

Memories of you is all I am left with, but those happy times will be etched in my heart forever and after 10 years I can tell people about this great friend I had, I can tell my child about a really strong girl who fought so many odds in life…who had to go through the worst troubles in life but still lived life with a smile on her face… That friend is YOU. Yes, you. You might be gone but never forgotten…You’re an inspiration and I hope wherever you are, you’re happy.

I write this post with all my love, to you. Only you.

And I know you're with me ..forever

Rest in peace.

Ox

Tennis = Love.

Whenever I enter a tennis court, something inside me happens, something magical. Yes, a feeling of excitement, you could call it. Tennis is THE BEST sport, ever. Yes. It is something that gives me satisfaction. My day is incomplete without the one and a half hour of practice. I might hate the scorching heat and might crib about it to the coach, but I still love each and every second of that one and a half hour.

Whenever I have to play a match, I am VERY tense and worried about what the situation will be like if I lose (Yes, I am a pessimist :P). I think about how everyone will read about it in the next day's paper. My self esteem before a match is at it's lowest. The first thing I do when I see my opponent is guess about how good her game is. The racket. The physique. The appearance. The calf muscles (:P). The kit. Everything matters and after analyzing her completely I start warming up. 2 rounds. Stretches. And then I enter the court, a little confident. And little hopeful. A little scared. VERY nervous. But as the warm up starts, I ease down. The comforting smile on mum's face adds to the confidence and I'm assured that I can do it. She always says that winning and losing is a part of life and take it as it comes. But after losing a match, you ARE disappointed, it doesn't matter if you lost from a very good player. Disappointment still creeps. It's true.

I'm not VERY tense while playing AITA matches, but playing for your school is a complete different story. I remember the inter-school matches last year, the doubles match. HORRID. We lost from the match point. :| Our teacher giving instructions and guiding us all along. Other 3 faces looking at us with hope. Cheering as loud as they could. Parents and team mates of the opponents trying to bring down our self-esteem. But we in full concentration, fully focused on the rallies, continue to play. The pressure was SO much. We didn't have to let down our teacher, our team-mates or school. But, sometimes your best ain't enough. And we lost. FROM 2 POINTS. That's why I hate tie-breaks. With a difference of 2 points, you can lose a whole match. Not fair -.-

Matches and practice is very different, according to me and in a match, you can only give 50% of what you can give at the time of practicing. True story. The pressure is so much. :|

If I say that winning is not on my mind while playing, it'd be an utter lie. C'mon, who doesn't like to win? Who doesn't like to brag about how they won a very tough match? Who doesn't like to give that grin to their opponent after winning? Who doesn't like to go and report to the referee that they have won the match? At least, I do. :D

After effects of losing- not very good :p But, it's okaaaay. I mean, you can't win ALL the matches, can you? So yeah, take it a positive way and try to give your 200% in the next match. That is going to be my motto from now on :P

One thing I've learnt- that match ain't over until you shake hands with your opponent. NEVER GIVE UP. NEVER EVER EVER. You can win. I've won matches no one thought I would. All you need is determination and a little bit of hope. And if you have that in you, nothing can strike you off. :)

So,

Never let the fear of losing keep your from playing the game.

Love your game.

Play it.

Feel it.

Win it.

But most of all,

Enjoy it.

Adios! :)

Capital H-I-M

"God. Who is God? And what does he have to do with me? "

Religion is a very important part of the lives of the people here, in India. All children, growing up are taught to go to temples, pray, celebrate festivals of the religion they belong to, pray when in trouble, before an exam, before an important match, assignment, test, job interview..or anything for that matter. And I'm no exception, My mom is a VERY spiritual person, and yes, I have visited the temple of my sector a lot of times. I have said prayers before going to bed when I was young. I have prayed before an important exam. I have attended the puja at home before Diwali every year. And till few years back, even I believed in God. Yes, I did. It's not that I visited the temple everyday, or didn't eat chicken on Tuesdays and Thursdays...but I knew He was there. The 'one'. The Supreme power. I believed everything that was happening was done by a supernatural power, which no one had exactly seen. I believed that I could blame Him for all the troubles I had in life, and he was responsible for all the good there was, all the happiness, the oneness, the love, the laughter, and I had to thank him for all of that. If I couldn't do something..I would just shrug and say...'Maybe God doesn't want me to do it at all'.

But as years have passed, I've started NOT believing in God. No, it's not because I want to be different from 'the lot'. It is because I don't believe in this whole idea of blaming some supernatural power for the wrongs in life and thanking Him for the good stuff. I don' believe in any Ram, Laxman, Ganesh. Or the Bible . Or the Quran. Or the Sikh Gurus.I just believe in myself, me and the PEOPLE around me, and for me, that is what is important. My family is important. My friends are important. Not supernatural powers.

Yes, I know that if I scream that there is no such thing 'God' on the street, I'm likely to be beaten up :P Being an Atheist in India is not very acceptable, even though it is a secular country. But it's not about the law, it's about being accepted in the society. Right?! If you don't believe in God, it's a sin. And no, I'm not exaggerating, it IS true. Choosing your religion might be your choice, but then there is not option of not believing in God, is there? I don't think so. And even if you try to turn into an Atheist, someone will probably point their finger at you.

I am born to a Hindu family, and thus, I am a Hindu. Is it supposed to be that way? Is that the criteria of choosing your faith? Why don't I get to choose if I believe in the idea of God at all? Choosing which religion comes after.

I am not anti-religion or anti-God, or anti-people-who-believe-in-God. This is my view.I just DO NOT BELIEVE IN GOD. NO, I DON'T. You might say it is morally incorrect, but if it is, be it. This is my choice and my faith, my belief. And I was taught to stand up for what I believe in, and shall continue to do so. Yes, I'm not perfect. No one is. But we need to understand people and their ideas about life only then we can completely accept them.

So, yeah, this is my take on 'God' and religion. If you have a difference of opinion, you have full freedom of shutting down my blog, because this is IT....

MOONLIT NIGHTS..

The moonlight creeps through her window,

All her hair is messed, on the floor lays her hair bow.

She wonders, it wouldn’t be the same if her mother was here,

Her mind wouldn’t be filled with so much sadness, so much fear.

She lives with a cruel man who does ever possible wrong he could

He slaps her, whips her and hits her with a stick of wood.

His touch she hates,

But this is her fate

He would swallow the innocence she had in her,

Destiny took away her mother and left memories of her which were blur.

He sucked her happiness and filled her with pain

All she wanted to do was escape…She felt like a dirty person, full of shame.

Her tears hit the floor,

Her fingers trapped in the door.

‘Please no’ she whispered, ‘please go’ she wept

But still like a snake, towards her, he crept.

If her mother was here, she would dry her tears,

And there was no chance she would let her go through so misery much all these years.

She wanted to be set free,

Like any other normal girl she wanted to be.

But in her destiny that was never written,

All that was there was by this evil snake to be bitten.

In front of everyone, he was a gentleman with the best cologne,

But only she knows what hardships he put her through, how he left her all alone.

Now it was too late,

Love could not replace hate.

Happiness was never part of her days,

Cold, awful words to her were all he would say.

With every touch of his a part of her died,

And inconsolably she cried.

No one knew the very fact that this child was raped, and the guilty was roaming free,

Behind sealed gates she wanted him to be.

A tiny little girl she was, sad and all alone,

Locked in the basement all the time, no one else would be at home.

She felt she’d been torn apart

From the bottom of her heart

Wondering what was her fault, tears run down her face,

She wonders how everyone will look at her with disgrace…

She plans to take her revenge from spiteful man who makes living each day harder

But what upsets her most is that man is no one else but her very own father.