Beautiful Chaos.

The beautiful chaos of life has turned ugly,

My existence now is not free.

My heart doesn't feel, nor does my soul express,

My mind is in distress.

I am so caught up in life, I have forgotten to live,

Love I have forgotten to give.

My existence is no more than a hollow form of life,

Nothing now hurts, even what once hurt like a knife.

You can stab my wounds till blood spurts,

But I swear it wouldn't hurt.

You can say the most spiteful words,

But I promise they will go unheard.

Whatever you do, I'm going to be immune to it,

For now I have a lot of grit.

But the desires I had as a child are still alive.

I want to smile a little before I cry,

I don't ever want to give up before I try.

I want to say the truths before I lie,

I want to live a little; love a little before I die...

Deception.

She had always been loved, but never pampered.

Her needs were fulfilled, but not all her wishes had been heard.

She never demanded, or never complained;

Never hungry for fame.

She was satisfied with the life she led, a happy being she was,

Trouble to anyone she would never cause

She was every man’s dream,

But she was never hungry for all the cream

She had something in her which made her unique,

Her emotions she would never let leak.

She had a fire in herself which would make everything possible for her,

She never let herself break; she held each pure part of her together.

Never sabotaged, always chaste – that describes her best.

They say love knocks on your door when you expect it the least, and it was true for her,

She had fallen head over heels for Him, when he was around she would just look at him, rest of the world would get blur

She never thought he would feel the same,

Feelings of sadness gripped her mind, feelings of anxiety came

Every single night, she cried until her tears dried

He had taken her emotions for a ride,

And the best part was- he didn’t even know

He never knew about the emotions that in her mind would flow.

But secretly, he loved her more than anything he could possibly love

She to herself was an ugly duckling, but to him she was the prettiest dove.

She didn’t have the perfect face,

Or even the tiniest waist.

But he was never interested in materialistic things; inner beauty was important to him

In that she was certainly proper and prim.

One fine day he asked if she would marry him, she was mum.

She had never been a Princess to anyone,

But if it was for him, she was ready to make an exception.

For she knew, there would be no chance of deception.

A Mother She Wasn't

I see a faint shadow in the hallway

As I look closer, I see my mother sway.

With flawless skin and perfect hair, I see her looking at me,

She has a crazy look in her eyes as she continues staring at me.

Looking at her gleaming eyes, I’m awe struck.

I forget all she did to me, how she screwed up my fate and luck.

When I was tiny and fragile, she left me crying,

Slowly I was dying.

What she did to me no mother ever would,

What she did to me no mother ever could.

She walks towards me and I hear the familiar footsteps,

All what she did to me is slowly coming back, how she wasn’t there when I first smiled, how she wasn’t there to wipe the tears I wept.

How she wasn’t there when I needed her the most,

How I never had a mother about whom I could boast.

Without any reason, she left, and I hoped and prayed and wished she would come back,

But…she didn’t, because maybe feelings of love she lacked.

All my life I spent cursing and hating her;

Wishing her to be near.

She had chosen a different path, after all

From the edge where she put me, she had let me fall.

When I finally met the mother who made my life hell, I froze with fear

Whatever excuses she made for leaving I forced myself not to hear.

I couldn’t speak, hear or sense,

All my life, I had seen her from behind a blurry lens.

I couldn’t believe she was no supernatural power, but actually a mortal being,

I couldn’t believe with my own two eyes I was seeing.

But what she did to me was beyond the pale

She turned her back on my and pretended not to hear me wail

So, I do the same,

And let her rot with shame.

I force myself to forget the bond we shared, to forget the mother daughter we ever were,

..And I close my eyes as tight as they can go, I let the tears drip and I walk out on her.

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Also, this is my 40th post. Cheers to me! :D

Seems like yesterday when I started this blog. Time flieeeees.

....and I give myself away.

One thousands thoughts come to my mind,

Answers I'm looking for I can't find.

Questions are in abundance, but replies to none.

Every time I try to defy life, I realize it has won.

I am confused, and still in a daze;

Very astounded with life’s ways.

Each time I try to be strong,

It rips me apart and proves me wrong.

I have started doubting my reason for living,

Now I’m so fed up of existing.

So, I take the blade and bring it near my wrist

My entire life plays like a black and white movie in front of my eyes,

All the truths come back and so do the lies.

The people who made me proud and the one’s who let me down,

The ones who spread smiles and the ones who spread frowns.

As I think about them, a tear trickles down my face,

I digest the fact that I’ve lost this race.

I gave it my best shot, but it wasn’t enough,

I tired to overcome all the hurdles, no matter how rough.

I climbed the hills, crossed the rivers, and did every possible thing to win,

But sadly it wasn’t as much it would take to get in.

Maybe someone deserved life more than I ever did,

Waiting to enter the rat race, maybe there was a special kid.

So, with absolutely nothing in my head, I stare at my wrist and force my hand to slit it in two ; Finally, I am at ease

After going through hell, I had granted myself eternal peace.

"Why is life so cheap in India? "

Does a single girl feel safe going out at night? Does a woman feel safe to go out and buy groceries? Or, does a man feel safe to go out and work?

I don't think so.

The fear of being raped, molested, or perhaps the fear of being killed in a bomb blast grips the mind of these Indians.

The most elite hotels went through so much and so many important people- businessmen, socialites et all- were killed in the 26/11 blasts, and now the Delhi blasts. Was it the fault of all the people who came to the DHC that they were killed? How can a man be so broke that he can take the lives of so many people just because of his own selfish motives, which can be against a particular religion, community, sect? There has been a blast outside the Delhi High Court, tomorrow it can be outside my school, or maybe RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY GOD DAMN HOUSE.

What is the government really doing for the security of the people? Shouldn't security be the topmost priority? Aren't these lives precious? Aren't the families of the victims and their sentiments of any value to the government?

Yes, they say that 99% of the terror attacks can be prevented, but not all. Alright, I agree. but proper security measures have to be taken.

Has there been any 9/11 in NYC again? Any blast? Any terror attack?

No.

So, why us?

And then the Tamil Nadu train collision. I ask, why is life so cheap in India? Why are people so indifferent? Maybe tomorrow, it can be their family or friends who are dying because of blasts, or the carelessness of the train drivers.

There have been attacks repeatedly maybe because politicians are busy counting money or taking trips abroad. For them, the value of money is more than the lives of innocent people. I don't say all politicians are corrupt, but most of them, yes, they are.

I wish A Raja and Kalmadi had given all that money for the welfare and betterment of the country.

Anna Hazare could fast for corruption, but terrorism? Where are all the activists?

If one man can move the Parliament and Judiciary to such an extent, why don't we all join hands and drive away terrorism ?

Improve the security- thats all I ask for. Make sure your citizens are safe and sound.

Make sure that a single young girl doesn't feel scared to come out at night.

Make sure that when a man goes out for work in the morning, he doesn't fear death. He doesn't worry about how his family will survive if god forbid, something happens because of the lack of security?

The victims of the DHC blasts were forgotten in a mere time span of 2 days, but the World Cup victory? The Academy Awards?

All this showbiz is more important than the lives. Yeah, right.

Yeah I know I'm just saying stuff and not doing anything. But trust me if I could, I most definitely would. Probably because I don't think I'm part of the rat race. I'm probably worried about the safety of people.

BECAUSE I PROBABLY CARE.

And it's high time the Government starts caring as well.

Time et all.

Okay so I fought with two of my closest friends in the past week, and I felt MISERABLE. I mean, why did I have to say such nasty stuff? WHY?

Why can't I just be polite all the time?

Why am I so stuck up?

Why am I so stubborn?

Why don't I listen and just blabber?

My mum always complained of me being stubborn. That is something I want to change about me. Yes, I have said I was proud of whoever I was, but change is necessary, right? Change for the good, obviously. I need to change for the people around me.My family, my friends and all those who matter. Moreover, I HAVE TO CHANGE FOR ME.

I have to become a better person, if not for anyone else, for me. I have to let go all of the anger and sadness and embrace the good stuff..and I'm getting to it..slowly, but yes, I am.

People who are close to me are aware of me being argumentative and stubborn sometimes and when I throw such a fit, they know just what to do - leave me alone.

I need time to think. To talk- to myself. To analyse things. To stop thinking about 947509576973937 things per second. To understand the problem, and find solutions. I just need...time and some more time.

...Some more time to take out for LIFE.

Back to where it all began..

11th of September, 2001.

It changed the lives of hundreds of thousands of people forever. Within a minute, thousands of lives were lost and their families were devastated.

How can there be so much hatred in people that they go on with this massacre? How?

What a world we live in :/ There is no value for life, right?

The wounds of those times are still fresh, aren't they?I don't think they will never heal..

Prayers for those who lost their lives in the tragedy of 9/11, and courage to their families. <3

Rest in peace.

"Time is passing. Yet, for the United States of America, there will be no forgetting September the 11th. We will remember every rescuer who died in honor. We will remember every family that lives in grief. We will remember the fire and the ash, the last phone call..."

George W. Bush

Who cares about a title?

I love Coldplay. How do you know my life story? How? :')

I really think Mayawati needn't send jets to get shoes. Like seriously.

I think Amar Singh deserves jail.

I think exams should be banned.

I think chocolate should not be fattening.

I think some people are silly, and need a life.

I think LMFAO's pretty coool. xD

I think I text too much.

I think RD Sharma's are too thick. And tough.

I think I'm falling in love with the color pink all over again.

I think my phone's not all that bad. At least it still works. (Doesn't mean I don't want a new one, mom and day, I hope you're listening)

I think Blogger is pretty cool.

I think reading random people's random blogs is my new favourite (spell check, it is FAVOURITE, we follow Brit English, FYI. ) passtime

I think Science is not that bad.

I still think I hate Hindi. Ewwww :|

I think I want to party.

I think I want exams to end, before they even start.

I think I can get A1 in Science, let's hope?

I think there's much more to life than religion, sports and politics, like love, laughter, peace and oneness? :)

I think I love Bob Marley.

I think My Sister's Keeper is the most beautiful movie ever.

I think I'm addicted to On the Floor By JLO

I think pulling an all-nighter before and exam and posting about it on Facebook is highly uncool.

I think I'm going to get a good invigilator tomorrow. (PRAAAY)

I think I love the coldness that runs down my spine after the rain.

I think I love coffee. xD

I hate tiny kids. Horrible creatures.

I think I love airplanes. I love airports.

I think this is an utterly pointless post which has been written because of being bored to death (literally), since I have deactivated my Facebook account.

I think...well, um ciaooo :P

.

.

Science.

My head is spinning. Chemical formulas are what I'll be dreaming of tonight. :|

Anywaaaay, I feeel good today.

The rain makes me feel so goood. For a change, mind you. I hate rain otherwise. Its so dull, but I don't know why it is soothing me today.

So, this is to my happy moood, party rock is in the house tooonight! :P

Random pictures #1

One of the best trips ever.

London, 2011

:)

Exams and more.

Exams start on the 10th. Doesn't it seem like it was only yesterday when we had given the March exams..and again they are here to haunt us?! Why? :|

Time flies. Ugh. I hate it.

I'm jealous of everyone who doesn't have to give exams. Even my maid. And my neighbor's dog. SOSOSOSO lucky that doggie is. Eats, sleeps and throws tantrums all day. Doesn't have to go to school for 6 hours and then come back home and study. (What days have come. Dogs have a better life than students. <|3 )

I am dreading the 10th. Don't let it come. Don't let it come. PLEAAAAASEEEE.

Can we just skip 10th to 22nd September and go directly to the 23rd?

I want go and ruthlessly murder the inventor of exams. Silly ass. :| G O D I E.

UGH I HATE EXAMS. MORE THAN A DRUG ADDICT HATES REHAB !

Different? ...or special?

This poem has been written as a girl who is deaf, dumb and blind. She has been left by her parents into a Foster Care home. So, here goes the insight to a hazy mind…

I don’t have the power to see, hear or speak

By everyone around me, I’m regarded as weak,

But the strength that lies inside me is more than any mortal being,

I am dreaming, hoping and believing even though I’m not seeing.

Abandoned by my parents; no one I call my own,

There is no one to groan to, no one to moan.

Everyone says I’m a perfect little girl, with chubby cheeks and pink lips,

But from my eyes thick salty tears drip.

They called me different, but am I at fault?

Thinking about it, sometimes my whole life would come to a halt.

Love I had never known;

I was far from being a whole, in pieces I was torn.

There were so many questions, but there were answers to none

Looking for them was of no fun.

So many untold stories, so many undone things, so many unsolved mysteries,

I didn’t know myself, my past was history.

Memories from my childhood were faded,

To even think about it I hate.

I cry every night to myself silently,

And fight battles in the silent chambers of my soul violently.

Now is the time when I just want to give in,

Life has sucked my happiness and there’s no way I can win.

I can’t fight anymore,

What I want from life, I’m not sure.

There are so many questions that haunt me,

Will I ever be taken care of? Will I ever be free?

Will I ever know happiness or misery is all over my fate?

Will I ever know joy or is it only hate?

Will there ever be a time when people will stop being so indifferent?

…Or will I always be regarded as different?

Half Empty?

I say it’s half empty; you call it half full,

I say push, you say pull.

You call me a pessimist but I argue saying I’m a realist.

I think you’re much of an optimist.

Two ends which will never meet- that’s what we are,

You say near, I say far.

There isn’t a thing, to which we ever agree,

I’m a caged bird and you’re free.

I see whatever there is, I look at the scene just like you,

But could never understand or see what you say you do.

We’re two different souls, struggling to fit into one personality,

You’re always so comfortable, and I’m always stuck with formalities.

Someday I hope your bubbles will burst,

But I’m afraid too much it’d hurt.

Still I hope you come on terms with the reality,

And leave behind all the foolishness, all the causality.

I want you to realize everything worthwhile deserves a fight,

And not all walks of life are bright.

You won’t always get what you want,

Sometimes, memories from your past will haunt.

But I don’t want you to give up hope or stop believing,

I don’t want to see you all the time grieving.

I want you to know that life might put you into troubles, however after that there will be smiles in plenty,

But at the same time, I don’t want you to forget that sometimes, the glass IS HALF EMPTY….

That little girl. :')

Not very long ago, there was this girl. The soul sister types? The one that is supposed to 'be there' for you? The one that will wipe your tears and all that shit? Yes, she qualified for that sort.

I could talk to her about pretty much anything. I could scream, sing, laugh as loudly but she wouldn't care. I could play the silliest games with her, but it'd never be awkward. There wasn't a time when we had to think about what we had to speak about next, we were so comfortable with each other, we would blabber whatever came to our minds. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me, full of life and full of dreams. She loved me.I loved her, and that was what was important. We were best friends forever, or so I thought.

As time passed, we grew up and grew apart, and that's what I hated the most. We never knew there would be a day when we'd cross by each other in school and won't even say hi..but it happened. It cut me like a knife and it hurt so bad. She probably doesn't even care now. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. She was supposed to be there when I passed out of college, when I got a degree. She was supposed to be proud of me. She was supposed to be there when I got married. She was supposed to be my god forsaken bridesmaid. She was supposed to be there when I had kids. She was supposed to be their godmother. She was supposed to be there with the old-wrinkled me, laughing and remembering the good old days. All of this HAD to happen. There was no way it didn't. We planned it to be this way, but it didn't. It just didn't. She was gone with the wind, no proper goodbye. No take care. No see you later in life. No thanks for the good time. The end came...JUST LIKE THAT, JUST TOO SOON.

Now that I look back to all that has happened I realize my feet are cold. My throat dry and my eyes moist, and I picture the Girl who was once my best-friend was just the most familiar stranger I had ever known. She laughed, giggled, smiled, cried with her 'new friends'. People she told me she didn't even like. Is it supposed to be this way? No, it isn't. When you say 'friends forever', you have to stick by it."But that's disregard, you find another friend and then you discard"- The Fray. All i have are memories of her, which are going to get vague day by day, or so i hope. She won't ever know how I feel, so I just close my eyes and let her go..forever..and ever.

.....But no one can deny the fact that that little girl once knew me more than anyone else.

HEROOOOO !

1. Put your iPod (or other source of music) on shuffle mode.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write the name of the song no matter what. No cheating!

If someone says ‘Is this okay?’, you say?”

I stand alone- Godsmack.

“What would best describe your personality?”

Hope you dance- Roan Keating

-

“What do you like in a guy/girl?”
21st Century breakdown.

WHAT THE HELL :|

“How do you feel today?”

Heartless- Kayne West

(:P)

-

“What is your life’s purpose?”

Black and Yellow- Wiz Khalifa

“What is your motto?”
Addicted -Enrique

“What do your friends think of you?”

Dangerous- Akon ft. David

“What do you think of your parents?”

Be with you- Akon.

“What do you think about very often?”

What The Hell- Avril

-

“What is 2+2?”

Baby can I hold you tonight- Roan Keating

“What do you think of your best friend?”

Basshunter- All I Ever Wanted

“What do you think of the person you like?”

Beautiful people- Chris Brown

-

“What is your life story?”
Just can't get enough- Black Eyed Peas

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
The Time - Black Eyed Peas

“What do you think when you see the person you like?”

One Love- Blue

-

“What do your parents think of you?”
I love the way you love me- Boyzone

“What will you dance to at your wedding?”

-Fire Burning- Sean Kingston

“What will they play at your funeral?”

Breathless -Shayne Ward

“What is your hobby/interest?”

All these things I hate about you- BFMV

“What is your biggest secret?”

-Ridin' Dirty - Chamillionare.

“What do you think of your friends?”

Living on a prayer- Bon Jovi.

“What should you post this as?”
Hero- Enrique.