Living Life. The Right Way.

Are you happy?

If according to you, being 'happy' is having the best clothes, the most expensive phone and all that materialistic stuff, I don't think you get what I mean, because probably the people around you don't make you happy, the things around you do. And that ain't real happiness. Happiness is what comes from within, that feeling when everything seems right. Materialistic things can make you happy only for a while, your definition of a while may differ from mine, but anyway.

For Example, shopping makes me happy. Yes, it does. But how long does the happiness of owning a new dress last? Few hours? 1 day? 1 week, at the most? That's not exactly what I'll call 'happiness'.

A 'good morning' or 'good night' message on my phone from an old friend will make me happier than getting a new dress. True thing. A compliment can make my day. A call from a friend can. A hug from mum can.

But asking for happiness all the time is too much to ask for,ain't it?

I mean, you can't be happy all the time. You have to experience sadness so that you can enjoy happiness and all that crap. Right? Expectations, sigh.

Expecting can lead you to disappointments. Living without expecting is impossible. For me, yes, it is. I expect my friends not to let me down, but sadly some of them do. I expect that the people around me should not be nasty. I expect them to comfort me when I don't feel good. I expect them to lift my spirits. I expect them to pacify me. I expect them to make me happy. Like the happy 'happy'. The real sense happy. I expect them to understand all my problems while I don't give a heed to their's.

I expect too much, don't I? That's the root of all problems. Expecting too much. You expect, you get disappointed, you are sad, and the whole drama continues.

I wish the God I don't believe in had made humans in a much more sensible way so that they would never expect, which in turn meant, no disappointments, and thus, no sadness. I wish people would not judge. (Aaaaah, blissful :P ) There would be no black or white, just grey. No one would be pretty or downright ugly, everyone would be equal. No one'd be right, and no one'd be wrong, everyone neutral. No one would be intelligent and no one would be dumb, everyone would be the same....just the same, like robots, maybe? Imagine living in such a world. Too much of perfection, eh?

But I guess, sometimes, you have to be imperfect, you have to make mistakes, act silly, sound stupid, do crazy things, speak too loudly, say the wrong things at the wrong time, live it like it's your last day, sing like you're a Rockstar, dance like crazy and not care about what people thing, you have to just let go the people who make you sad and stick to those who make you happy, eat as much as pepperoni pizza and chocolate and not worry about gaining weight,you're allowed to have red, puffy eyes because of crying too much, you're allowed to get into trouble for giggling too much, you have to let the tears fall,the smiles spread,

SOMETIMES YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXIST...BUT YOU HAVE TO L I V E.

Tagged! :P

Oh, God. What has gotten into me? Tags, and me, seriously? :O

Well, Boredom does things to me, so here goes nothing :

YOUR BOY SIDE—

[x] You love hoodies.

[x] You love jeans.

[x] Dogs are better than cats. ANYDAY.

[] It’s hilarious when people get hurt.

[] Shopping is torture.

[] Sad movies stink.

[] You own a car racing game.

[x]You played with Hot Wheels cars as a kid.

[] At some point in time you wanted to be a fire-fighter.

[] You owned a DS, PS2, N64,or Sega.

[] You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.

[x] You have watched sports on TV. Soccer, Tennis :')

[] Gory movies are cool.

[x] You go to your dad for advice.

[] You own like a trillion baseball caps.

[] You used to collect hockey cards

[x] Baggy sweats are cool to wear.

[x] It’s kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people. YES, it is. Freaks me out.

[x] Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.

[x] You love to go crazy and not care what people think.

[x] Sports are fun.

[] You talk with food in your mouth.

[] You sleep with your socks on at night.

[] You have fished at least once.

YOUR GIRL SIDE—

[x] You love to shop. Live to shop. True thing

[] You wear eyeliner.

[x] You wear the color pink.

[x] You go to your mom to talk.

[] You consider cheerleading a sport.

[] You hate wearing the color black.

[x] You like going to the mall.

[x]You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.

[x] You like wearing jewelry.

[] You cried watching The Notebook.

[x] Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.

[x] Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.

[x] You don’t like the movie Star Wars.

[] You are/were in gymnastics.

[x] It takes you around one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up. Make up consisting of only kajal, but anyway :P I take 45 mins in the shower. :P

[x] You smile a lot more than you should. I giggle ALL the time.

[x] You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.

[x] You care about what you look like.

[x] You like wearing dresses when you can.

[x] You like wearing high heel shoes.

[x] You used to play with dolls as little kid.

[] You like putting make-up on others. How silly is that? :|

[x] You like being the star of everything.

[x] Pink is one of your favourite colors.

Appearance •

[] I am shorter than 5′5″

[x] I have many scars.

[x] I tan/ burn easily. TAN :'(

[] I wish my hair was a different color.

[] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.

[] I have a tattoo.

[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.

[] I’ve had/have braces.

[x] I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.

[] I have more than two piercings.

[] I have / had piercings in places besides my ears.

• Embarrassment •

[x] I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation. YES.

[] Disney movies still make me cry.

[x] I’ve snorted while laughing.

[x] I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.

[x] I’ve glued my hand to something.

[x] I’ve laughed ’til some kind of beverage came out of my nose.

[] I’ve had my pants rip in public.

• Health •

[x] I’ve gotten stitches.

[] Broken a bone.

[] I’ve had my tonsils removed

[] I’ve sat in a doctor’s office with a friend.

[] I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.

[] I’ve had serious surgery.

[] I’ve had chicken pox.

• Traveling •

[x] I’ve driven / riden over 200 miles in one day.

[] I’ve been to Canada.

[] I’ve been to Cuba.

[] I’ve been to Niagara Falls.

[] I’ve been to Ottawa.

[] I’ve gone to Sudbury.

[] I’ve been to the Caribbean.

[x] I’ve been to Europe. England :)

[] I’ve been to Florida.

• Experiences •

[] I’ve gotten lost in my city.

[x] I’ve seen a shooting star.

[x] I’ve wished on a shooting star.

[] I’ve seen a meteor shower.

[] I’ve gone out in public in my pyjamas.

[x] I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.

[] I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts. I'm too good to do that, but I wish I had. *evil smile*

[] I’ve been to a casino.

[] I’ve been skydiving.

[] I’ve gone skinny-dipping.

[] I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.

[] I’ve crashed a car.

[] I’ve been skiing.

[] I’ve been in a musical.

[] I’ve caught a snowflake or snow on my tongue.

[] I’ve seen the Northern Lights.

[] I’ve sat on a rooftop at night.

[x] I’ve played a prank on someone.

[x] I’ve ridden in a taxi.

[] I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

[] I’ve eaten Sushi.

[] I’ve been snowboarding.

• Relationships •

[x] I’m single.

[] I’m in a relationship.

[] I’m engaged.

[] I’m married.

[] I miss someone right now.

[] I’ve gotten divorced.

[] I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.

[] I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.

• Honesty / Crime •

[x] I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.

[x] I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.

[] I’ve snuck out.

[] I’ve lied to my parents about where I am. NEVER

[x] I’ve cheated while playing a game.

[] I’ve ran a red light.

[x] I’ve witnessed a crime. Accidents, if counted? :P

[] I’ve been in a fist fight.

[] I’ve been arrested.

• Death and Suicide •

[x] I’m afraid of dying.

[x] I hate funerals.

[] I’ve seen someone / something dying.

[] Someone close to me has attempted / committed suicide.

[] I’ve written a eulogy for myself.

• Materialism •

[] I own over 5 rap CD’s.

[] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime

[] I own REAL designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.

[] I own something from Pac Sun.

[] I collected comic books.

[x] I own something from The Gap.

[] I own something I got on E-Bay.

[x] I own something from Juicy Couture. Yes, Guilty, I am.

• Random •

[] I can sing well. And I quote my friend, who said "Worse than anything that has a mouth"

[] Stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.

[x] I open up to others easily.

[x] I watch the news.

[] I don’t kill bugs.

[] I sing in the shower.

[] I am a morning person.

[] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.

[] I am a sports fanatic.

[x] I twirl my hair.

[x] I care about grammar.

[] I have “?”’s in my screen name.

[x] I love spam. Hhahaha, yes.

[] I’ve copied more than 30 CD’s in a day.

[] I bake well.

[x] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red, blue, black, purple, or orange.

[x] I would wear pajamas to school. I WISH.

[] I know how to shoot a gun. I want to learn how to shoot, it's like the coolest thing, evaaaar?

[] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS...EvErY nOw AnD tHeN. It's just too wannabe-ish. And dumb.

[] I laugh at my own jokes

[x] I eat fast food weekly. Guilty.

[] I’ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.

[x] I can’t sleep if there is a spider in the room.

[x] I am really ticklish.

[x] I like white chocolate.

[] I bite my nails.

[] I’m good at remembering faces.

[x] I’m good at remembering names.

[x] I’m good at remembering dates.

[] I honestly have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

[x] All my answers were totally honest. Yes, a good girl, I am. O:)

Love lost.

I close my eyes, and the memories flash back as an old movie. The exhibition, the breaks, the cries, the oneness, the love the smiles, the laughter, making fun of weird kids, the periods we bunked, and the tests we never studied for. The classes we attended with full concentration, the tests in which we got straight A’s..and then snap..I’m back to reality.

I remember being told about how you had left us all on this very day last year. As I think about the good and happy times, a tear trickles down my cheek. That day, my world came crumbling down, in front of my eyes, one of the best friends I’ve ever had was taken away from me forever and ever. And trust me, that feeling is the worst, EVER.

People said “Don’t worry, it’s a part of life”, “You’ll get over it”. But guess what? One year. 365 whole days, and I still miss you like I missed you before. The pain is still the same and the wounds as fresh as ever. Time could not heal these wounds, and I don’t think they will ever get any better. That void will never be filled. Your presence will forever be missed. Your smile, your voice, your laughter… each and every bit of it. You weren’t just a friend, but a sister, a guide and a person to rely on. You will never be replaced. True thing.

But on the positive side, I know that somewhere you’re there for me, giving me strength to fight all the troubles life puts my way, all the obstacles I have to face. You’re there to share my joys and there to listen to me as I whine about my problems. I know what wherever you are, you do some kind of magic and my life falls back into place…but the puzzle of my life will never be complete without such an integral part missing.

I miss how you were such a positive person, full of life. Always smiling and making others smile. Always ready to lend a hand. It’s funny how God always takes away the best people and lets the worst live. This is something I have never been able to understand. I never will. Weird, isn't it?

As I think of all this, I close my eyes as tight as they can go... And another tear trickles down my cheek and reaches my neck, and I'm not bothered to wipe it. I'm too preoccupied thinking about the happy times.

Memories of you is all I am left with, but those happy times will be etched in my heart forever and after 10 years I can tell people about this great friend I had, I can tell my child about a really strong girl who fought so many odds in life…who had to go through the worst troubles in life but still lived life with a smile on her face… That friend is YOU. Yes, you. You might be gone but never forgotten…You’re an inspiration and I hope wherever you are, you’re happy.

I write this post with all my love, to you. Only you.

And I know you're with me ..forever

Rest in peace.

Ox

Tennis = Love.

Whenever I enter a tennis court, something inside me happens, something magical. Yes, a feeling of excitement, you could call it. Tennis is THE BEST sport, ever. Yes. It is something that gives me satisfaction. My day is incomplete without the one and a half hour of practice. I might hate the scorching heat and might crib about it to the coach, but I still love each and every second of that one and a half hour.

Whenever I have to play a match, I am VERY tense and worried about what the situation will be like if I lose (Yes, I am a pessimist :P). I think about how everyone will read about it in the next day's paper. My self esteem before a match is at it's lowest. The first thing I do when I see my opponent is guess about how good her game is. The racket. The physique. The appearance. The calf muscles (:P). The kit. Everything matters and after analyzing her completely I start warming up. 2 rounds. Stretches. And then I enter the court, a little confident. And little hopeful. A little scared. VERY nervous. But as the warm up starts, I ease down. The comforting smile on mum's face adds to the confidence and I'm assured that I can do it. She always says that winning and losing is a part of life and take it as it comes. But after losing a match, you ARE disappointed, it doesn't matter if you lost from a very good player. Disappointment still creeps. It's true.

I'm not VERY tense while playing AITA matches, but playing for your school is a complete different story. I remember the inter-school matches last year, the doubles match. HORRID. We lost from the match point. :| Our teacher giving instructions and guiding us all along. Other 3 faces looking at us with hope. Cheering as loud as they could. Parents and team mates of the opponents trying to bring down our self-esteem. But we in full concentration, fully focused on the rallies, continue to play. The pressure was SO much. We didn't have to let down our teacher, our team-mates or school. But, sometimes your best ain't enough. And we lost. FROM 2 POINTS. That's why I hate tie-breaks. With a difference of 2 points, you can lose a whole match. Not fair -.-

Matches and practice is very different, according to me and in a match, you can only give 50% of what you can give at the time of practicing. True story. The pressure is so much. :|

If I say that winning is not on my mind while playing, it'd be an utter lie. C'mon, who doesn't like to win? Who doesn't like to brag about how they won a very tough match? Who doesn't like to give that grin to their opponent after winning? Who doesn't like to go and report to the referee that they have won the match? At least, I do. :D

After effects of losing- not very good :p But, it's okaaaay. I mean, you can't win ALL the matches, can you? So yeah, take it a positive way and try to give your 200% in the next match. That is going to be my motto from now on :P

One thing I've learnt- that match ain't over until you shake hands with your opponent. NEVER GIVE UP. NEVER EVER EVER. You can win. I've won matches no one thought I would. All you need is determination and a little bit of hope. And if you have that in you, nothing can strike you off. :)

So,

Never let the fear of losing keep your from playing the game.

Love your game.

Play it.

Feel it.

Win it.

But most of all,

Enjoy it.

Adios! :)

Capital H-I-M

"God. Who is God? And what does he have to do with me? "

Religion is a very important part of the lives of the people here, in India. All children, growing up are taught to go to temples, pray, celebrate festivals of the religion they belong to, pray when in trouble, before an exam, before an important match, assignment, test, job interview..or anything for that matter. And I'm no exception, My mom is a VERY spiritual person, and yes, I have visited the temple of my sector a lot of times. I have said prayers before going to bed when I was young. I have prayed before an important exam. I have attended the puja at home before Diwali every year. And till few years back, even I believed in God. Yes, I did. It's not that I visited the temple everyday, or didn't eat chicken on Tuesdays and Thursdays...but I knew He was there. The 'one'. The Supreme power. I believed everything that was happening was done by a supernatural power, which no one had exactly seen. I believed that I could blame Him for all the troubles I had in life, and he was responsible for all the good there was, all the happiness, the oneness, the love, the laughter, and I had to thank him for all of that. If I couldn't do something..I would just shrug and say...'Maybe God doesn't want me to do it at all'.

But as years have passed, I've started NOT believing in God. No, it's not because I want to be different from 'the lot'. It is because I don't believe in this whole idea of blaming some supernatural power for the wrongs in life and thanking Him for the good stuff. I don' believe in any Ram, Laxman, Ganesh. Or the Bible . Or the Quran. Or the Sikh Gurus.I just believe in myself, me and the PEOPLE around me, and for me, that is what is important. My family is important. My friends are important. Not supernatural powers.

Yes, I know that if I scream that there is no such thing 'God' on the street, I'm likely to be beaten up :P Being an Atheist in India is not very acceptable, even though it is a secular country. But it's not about the law, it's about being accepted in the society. Right?! If you don't believe in God, it's a sin. And no, I'm not exaggerating, it IS true. Choosing your religion might be your choice, but then there is not option of not believing in God, is there? I don't think so. And even if you try to turn into an Atheist, someone will probably point their finger at you.

I am born to a Hindu family, and thus, I am a Hindu. Is it supposed to be that way? Is that the criteria of choosing your faith? Why don't I get to choose if I believe in the idea of God at all? Choosing which religion comes after.

I am not anti-religion or anti-God, or anti-people-who-believe-in-God. This is my view.I just DO NOT BELIEVE IN GOD. NO, I DON'T. You might say it is morally incorrect, but if it is, be it. This is my choice and my faith, my belief. And I was taught to stand up for what I believe in, and shall continue to do so. Yes, I'm not perfect. No one is. But we need to understand people and their ideas about life only then we can completely accept them.

So, yeah, this is my take on 'God' and religion. If you have a difference of opinion, you have full freedom of shutting down my blog, because this is IT....

MOONLIT NIGHTS..

The moonlight creeps through her window,

All her hair is messed, on the floor lays her hair bow.

She wonders, it wouldn’t be the same if her mother was here,

Her mind wouldn’t be filled with so much sadness, so much fear.

She lives with a cruel man who does ever possible wrong he could

He slaps her, whips her and hits her with a stick of wood.

His touch she hates,

But this is her fate

He would swallow the innocence she had in her,

Destiny took away her mother and left memories of her which were blur.

He sucked her happiness and filled her with pain

All she wanted to do was escape…She felt like a dirty person, full of shame.

Her tears hit the floor,

Her fingers trapped in the door.

‘Please no’ she whispered, ‘please go’ she wept

But still like a snake, towards her, he crept.

If her mother was here, she would dry her tears,

And there was no chance she would let her go through so misery much all these years.

She wanted to be set free,

Like any other normal girl she wanted to be.

But in her destiny that was never written,

All that was there was by this evil snake to be bitten.

In front of everyone, he was a gentleman with the best cologne,

But only she knows what hardships he put her through, how he left her all alone.

Now it was too late,

Love could not replace hate.

Happiness was never part of her days,

Cold, awful words to her were all he would say.

With every touch of his a part of her died,

And inconsolably she cried.

No one knew the very fact that this child was raped, and the guilty was roaming free,

Behind sealed gates she wanted him to be.

A tiny little girl she was, sad and all alone,

Locked in the basement all the time, no one else would be at home.

She felt she’d been torn apart

From the bottom of her heart

Wondering what was her fault, tears run down her face,

She wonders how everyone will look at her with disgrace…

She plans to take her revenge from spiteful man who makes living each day harder

But what upsets her most is that man is no one else but her very own father.

RICHES TO RAGS..

He walks through the eerie street at midnight all alone,

Remembering the good times when all women got ecsatic on his cologne

He thinks about the past,

How it went by so fast.

How successful he was, he thought.

He misses how everyone would drool on the flashy cars and homes he bought.

How he at social events would grab all the attention,

Always at dinner parties he had a special mention.

A story of a man who went from Riches-to Rags

A man who once while buying the most expensive stuff didn’t have to give a second look to the tags.

A story of a man who had it all and then lost it all.

No one ever imagined he would have such a drastic fall.

His world came crashing down,

All the smiles turned into frowns.

All the respect he once he had, he lost.

He could not earn it back at any cost.

Thinking of the happy times he sighed

Ever before there hadn’t been a day when so much he cried.

His eyes were moist and red,

These 15 nights, he hadn’t been to bed.

There wasn’t a sadder time he had in his life,

Everything was ruined, he even lost his wife.

Nothing was going right,

Every inch of his brain was filled with fright.

Now he realized what everyone meant when they said ‘Pain makes a man humble’

But not in his wildest dreams he thought whole of his empire would crumble.

When he had the riches, he was too arrogant and high-headed,

Others did the work and he took the credit.

Whatever happened to him was all he deserved,

He thought all his riches for years to come he would preserve.

But life is a roller-coaster and you don’t know what’s coming your way

You might be blissful, without worries one moment, but no one knows what will happen the next day.

There is no sign of hope,

His world has broken loose, which was once tied with tight ropes.

He thought he was gifted; he thought he was blessed,

But now all that people say about him is “His life is messed”

So, he still walks through the eerie street at midnight all alone,

Remembering the good times when all women got ecstatic on his cologne

He thinks about the past,

How it went by so fast………