Being Number Two Sucks

Stupid. Me & I. We're stupid. Absolutely stupid.

I love the adrenaline, the butterflies in my tummy, oh God, how I love to win.
I live to train, hate to let my coaches down.. Tennis is my only religion, and practice my only prayer.
Soreness is my way of life. Injuries, oh take them in stride.
Oh, I'm stupid. Stupidly in love with tennis.

I'm a sucker.
A sucker for a good game, a ball hit dead perfect. Oh, I'd give up partying for hardcore fitness.
I love to see my opponent going down, however at the same time knowing the tables can turn after any shot, any volley, any serve. It's the beauty of the game, after all.
Oh, I'm a sucker. Sucker for the uncertainty of tennis. 

I'm an idiot.
An idiot because when I'm on court, I really can't figure out what's happening outside. The court is my temple.
I love my tan and how I'm always asked if I hate it(which I don't, its a part of who I am,now). I love how I feel after coming on court  after recovering from an injury, and how I'm at my best after it. I love how after 2 weeks of not playing because of severe injuries, the physio finally says, "You can now play."
Oh, I'm an idiot. An idiot to get lost in the violent action taking on place in an atmosphere of tranquility.

I'm a winner.
A winner because I will give each shot my best, serve the hardest serve, hit the most perfect ground-stroke, volley my best and smash the ball dead perfect. I love how I was always told I fall down 7 times, I will have to get up 8 times, and now I'm actually beginning to understand what it meant. I love how I have to give each molecule of my body to this beautiful beautiful game in order to expect something in return from it. I have to give this game each tiny bit of my soul.
Oh, I'm a winner. A winner because now my losses teach me more than my victories do.

But most of all, I'm a lover.
A lover of the swear, tears and blood shed. Lover of the injuries. Lover of the pain it brings. Lover of the exhaustion I face. Lover of sleeping late after completing school-work and then getting up early to train. Lover of the fact that I'm a proud student-athlete. Lover of  knowing I'm sore only because I gave 100 percent while practicing. Lover of physiotherapy. Lover of knowing that there is always a tennis session to look forward to. Lover of knowing that tennis is my reason to get up and work hard. Lover of knowing that this game, now, isn't only a sport, it's my passion. Lover of knowing that I want tennis more than anything I will ever want . Lover of knowing that tennis is an addiction I will never let go.
Oh, I'm a lover. A lover because playing tennis means its me...me against the world, battling it out, sweating through,

and winning. 

Change&endings

Change is the only thing that in constant in this ever changing world. Change is very hard to accept for some people, like me, while others are very comfortable even when they're forced to live outside their comfort zone. It's not like that with me. I hate change. Once I get used to my surroundings, I want them to stay the same forever, but then forever is a very strong word. Everything in this world changes-people,feelings,circumstances, ambitions, dreams, hopes, aspirations,tastes- you name it,nothing but change lasts forever. Pushing my boundaries and doing something that my comfort zone doesn't allow me to has always been a difficult task for me. I like to live in my own happy world, with my own happy people. I don't like unfamiliar faces, unfamiliar voices, unfamiliar, uncanny eyes, or unfamiliar places. I know I should change, for the better, but its like I'm so comfortable in my own skin. I like myself. I'm proud of what I am, but I really need to learn how to cope.

I've always hated endings,too. The ending of a movie,a book, a relationship, a memory, a trip. Reading the last chapter of a book, the last few minutes of a movie, the rush of emotions I feel when I know a particular friendship is coming to an end, the guilt I feel over a certain things, the really bad feeling that doesn't even allow me to enjoy the last day of a trip...It haunts me. Everything feels weird. The sad kind weird. I hate it,so much. It drains me out, emotionally. It's sad.

But nonetheless, change and endings are inevitable.

And I will have to cope with change and learn to say goodbye, someday. 

I think..

I like my food a bit too bland. I think people who honk are stupid. I think boys are stupid. I think The Mentalist is a pretty cool show. I love Pretty Little Liars. I think BBM's getting annoying now. I hate my ankles, they are so weak :| Teenagers might have a really short attention span, but we do remember what you said to us 4 years ago. I think I love trolling people. I think I don't trust easily now. I think I'm falling in love with tennis all over again. I think I love Indian Weddings. I also love good food, and Delhi. I really love to run. I also don't like AC's much. I love winters, and hate summers. I love people who smell good, and are hygienic. I love pedicures. I'm downright bitchy at times. I'm VERY rude if you provoke me. I'm a snobby bitch if you make me behave like that. But also, I'm very sweet to you if you're nice to me. I like people who have good conversation skills. I don't mind silence, but what I do mind is awkward conversations. I love, absolutely love Sheldon Cooper. I think people should stop bragging about how they're donating so much money to charity, charity stays in your hearts, people. I think my whole life can be defined by quotes. I really believe in 'YOLO', and 'Carpe Diem'. I think boys who write cheesy captions for their male friends are really weird. I think I do not like men(boys) who disrespect women(girls) I think doing drugs is highly uncool. I think I love romantic comedies. I don't believe in ruining my mood over someone who's not worth it anymore. I think 10 year old girls are not ready for relationships, they should just stick to Hannah Montana. I think people who are humble are great. I think kids with silly parents who don't respect money and don't think their children should don't  have the right to exist. I think I really REALLY want to do my bit, and open an NGO for sexually abused children. I really want to crack CLAT too. I also think I really appreciate texts that are spelled properly. I think blogs are pretty cool. I really want to be able to write all the time, you know? Beautiful things, somehow I can't. I think London really is my favourite city in the whole wide world. I think having a boyfriend is really overrated, enjoy your freedom,bitches! I think I use the word 'really' a lot, really. I think now I'm just gonna post this :)

Crappy writing. Read it anyway.

Do we get everything we deserve? Or let me put it this way, do we get everything we think we deserve? Does good always win? Does evil always lose? Does the power of goodness over evil prevail? I don't know. What I do know,though is life isn't fair. Of course not. It it was, the world would be a much much better place. But it's not. It's imperfect.

So, playing tennis isn't fair either. About 75 percent of children who play ranking tournaments are overage. It's a fact. All 16-17 year olds play tournaments meant for children and players under the age of 14. I mean, who are you kidding,people? What are you even getting by lying about your age? Just so that you can play more tournaments? It's amazing to see how children, and their parents are ready to stoop to a level so low. If you don't think you can play with children your age and you need to get your age in written records decreased, it's just sad,my friend. If you're really serious about tennis and have an undying passion for it, don't cheat, man. It's not cool. Give it your best, and if your best isn't enough, train. Train some more. Get better, then try. Cheating has never taken anyone anywhere.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'VE WRITTEN THIS. IT'S SUCH BAD WRITING. I'M GOING TO POST IT ANYWAY. 

Because I have my Hindi exam day after and I am bored.

These are 10 random facts, which are a result of acute boredom. I just had nothing better to do. These are very very very random, and also very very very true.

Here goes nothing

1. I like bland food. Yes, I'm Punjabi. Yes, I live in the land of tandoori tikka and rogan josh, but I still like bland food. Guilt as charged. Give me boiled chicken with mashed potatoes and I will love you for the rest of my life.

2. I absolutely loathe Holi. Why? Because it is gross. It gives you dirty hair, pink teeth, a blue face and yellow arms. There was a time I used to look forward to Holi the entire year, and then people started playing Holi with everything except colours. Eggs. Mud. Grease.

3. I hate Maggi. It's yellow, slimy, and looks weird. Enough said.

4. I cannot, like CANNOT brush without the tap running. It's something I've always done. Hehehe. (PS- You can kill me for that,yeah,really)

5. I have a thing for black and white photographs. I will love anyone who gets a portfolio in black and white. Yeah. (Future husband, are you listening?)

6. I'm a feminist. A proud one, that is. And I don't think 'women dressing like sluts', or women going around the city 'after 8 pm' cause rapes; Rapists do. And and and, I HATE MALE CHAUVINISTS.

7. I don't like anyone touching my hair, my face,or my phone. It's just uncool. I' m not the touchy-feely types. It just pisses the hell out of me when someone touches my hair/phone/face, is it that difficult not to touch?

9. I cannot take a shower when the water is cold, even when its 45 degree Celsius outside. It's just too cold for me.

10. Also, I can't sleep without a blanket. I will switch on the AC, but I will never sleep without a blanket.

Never seen-THIRTEEEEEEN

As I look back, I finally realize I've grown as a person. I've left parts of me behind. I've become a lot less judgmental in the past year. I've started appreciating the good things in life and I've started counting my blessings. This time, last year things were bloody different. I was close to so many people I'm not even in touch now, and trust me, it feels so weird. I'm not saying that it was all their fault, because it was not. I just don't know what happened..we drifted apart. There was nothing much I could do to help it, either. The good part, however, is that I came to know who are the people who've been true to me, not only on my face, but also behind my back. Let's get real, people, everybody is bitched about, no matter what you do, you will be judged, but you know what? It's entirely your choice how you take it, you either let the people bring you down or, you just don't care and smile and live life like everything is perfect. I chose the latter, I did. What is the point in being sad about comments made by people who don't even matter? Whatever mistakes I made in the past, I regret nothing. Absolutely nothing. They helped me grow. I've realized it's okay to be weak sometimes. It's okay to cry. It's okay to be low. But, in the process, we must not forget how to be happy. We must not forget there's much more to life than one person. We must cherish I chose to be happy with the people around me. I chose to stop finding faults. I chose to love. I chose to smile. I chose to live.

Here is to new beginnings,

to happiness,

to love,

Here's to twelve beautiful trips around the sun

Here's to my thirteenth trip.

Happy thirteenth to me :D

Back to life

Today I saw this girl. She must have been around 7 years old. She wore a pink GAP sweatshirt and jeans, her beautiful hair tidily tied up in a ponytail. Her high-cheekbones, fair colour complimented her. Her eyes shone so brightly, they screamed innocence. I couldn't help but smile at her. Thousand dreams were reflected in her glistening eyes. Hundred aspirations. She was so full of life. She played around the store, picking up the footballs and tapping them, and calling out for her mother who was shopping somewhere around. She looked happy, but more importantly, she looked content. She was happy with what she had, unlike most of us, obviously. She wasn't inquisitive like I am. She knew all the answers she needed to know. That girl loved colors, I could see. I could see how she would get fascinated by the smallest things. That girl didn't care what people thought of her. She paid no heed to what she heard because she was so busy in her own little world. She was very unlike me. I have always been an inquisitive child, always wanting to know more, sometimes, even more than I needed to. If someone wouldn't tell me something, I'd somehow manage to dig out what I wanted to know. I was never ever in my life content with what I knew. The hunger to know more and more kept increasing day by day. My eyes reflected only the need to know more and more, and a little more.

But maybe, those inquisitive eyes DID reflect dreams, hopes, and aspirations. Maybe, just maybe, everybody, along with me, failed to see it then.

But then, today I did. I realized something I should have realized quite some time back.

..somewhere deep down, in those eyes of that little girl, I saw me. I saw the girl who loved to dream, and believe. I saw the girl who was content, but somewhere I knew, that little girl in me had died.

And, I'm trying to bring her back. Bring her back to life.