A Beautiful Mess

This is purely a work of fiction.

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I am not the most optimistic person you will come across. No. I don't expect the best. You'll ask why I'm so cynical. I'll answer this question today. I'll answer everyone who complains of my being a pessimist.Once upon a time, there was a happy-go-lucky girl inside me. With no fears, doubts. Only hopes and aspirations. She was an idealist. She believed everything happened for the best. She loved colors.They made her feel alive. She loved the rainbow and would get excited at the sight of one. She said some stuff she shouldn't have sometimes, but that's okay, because she loved herself. She clumsily applied nailpaint. She loved cupcakes, and the icing on them. She thought everything and everyone was perfect. She was extraordinary. She loved. Immensely. Passionately. Truly. Deeply.

But not very long ago, her trust, faith was ripped apart. She came to know that everything has a bad side, and often, the bad takes over the good. The demons take over the angels. She was exposed to the ugly truth of life. And there she was, with her existence significant to no one but herself, sitting with her legs hugging her chest, with a river of tears flowing from her heavily kohled eyes, sniffing, puffy red swollen eyes..she just sat there. Silent and calm. There were so many question she wanted answers to. So many untold stories she wanted to hear. She wanted to know...so much. Some things are better left unsaid. She told herself. But the other part of her wanted to know. Every single detail. Every single moment. Every single truth. She lost control. She lost faith. She lost hope. She stopped loving. She stopped caring. She stopped..living. She was no more than a dead body.

Materialistic things stopped bothering her. As a matter of fact, nothing bothered her. Her existence was as good as nil. Each day went by..nothing changed. No one cared. She still sat in her dark room. With only one window which let some light peep through. Her legs hugging her chest. with a river of tears flowing from her heavily kohled eyes, sniffing, puffy red swollen eyes..she just sat there. She is the most fragile thing you've ever seen. It's like she would break any moment. Only with a touch. She looks beautiful.

She always prayed to God for a savoir. The one who would break all the chains, all the barriers and would set her free.The one who would make her feel beautiful. The one who would love her and embrace her with her flaws and imperfections. The one wouldn't promise her a miracle, but who will always be trying, for trying is what is important. But disappointed she was. She lost faith in God. She turned to Atheism. She thought if there was any God at all, He wouldn't let her go through so much pain and agony and misery. He would comfort her when she needed him to. He would give her strength and courage to face life. He would correct everything. He would...be there fixing her problems.

But most of all,

He would've have let her become the girl the originally was.