Dancing shadows.

 I don't remember how I got here. What led me here, or who, more appropriately. I'm back where I started, it feels like I'm running in circles, trying to escape everything, but failing miserably. The memories are coming back. Those memories dipped in gold, and of course, the ones dipped in black paint. I'm trying to pick up the bits and pieces I never want to forget, the tiny fragments of happiness, but the only ones I'm managing to pick up are those tiny pieces of misery. Everything feels like a faded polaroid. I don't want to live in my memories, but I can't help how I feel. Sometimes, everything comes back to me, but some days, I feel so confused, dazed, as if there isn't a purpose I'm fulfilling. It's like, you were home to me. but I don't recognise this street anymore. I'm constantly running away from my words, and running into yours. I'm trying to find you in the sunlight, despite knowing you'll always dwell in the shadows. I'm tying to comfort myself by saying we're under the same stars tonight, but it doesn't even mean anything anymore. I'm trying to write beautiful verses, lovely stories, but they just end up being unfinished poems and scribbled articles. I'm trying to be kissed by the sun, but I can never cheat on the night. I'm trying to tell myself you wouldn't have been lovely to come home to, but we all know that's not true. I'm trying to hate what I've always loved. I'm trying to find a new definition for marbles, because 'trapped universes' reminds me of you. I'm trying to take back my soul from you, but you've locked it away somewhere so safe. I'm trying to paint a portrait, a portrait of all that overwhelms me so greatly, I'm shouting colours. I'm spitting paint. I'm trying, I'm failing. I'm trying, but my mind is a collection of hastily made euphoric decisions and constant give ups. I'm trying, but I'm too afraid I'll fail. I'm trying, but it feels like I'm using bits and pieces of others' personalities to form my own. I'm craving success, but I'm facing failure. I'm facing pain.

There is, however, this thing about pain, it demands to be felt. Without it, you don't feel alive. Or maybe, pain is just a hard way of knowing you're alive. Pain reminds you that even though you tried so hard, you failed at replacing your heart with an icebox.