Being Number Two Sucks

Stupid. Me & I. We're stupid. Absolutely stupid.

I love the adrenaline, the butterflies in my tummy, oh God, how I love to win.
I live to train, hate to let my coaches down.. Tennis is my only religion, and practice my only prayer.
Soreness is my way of life. Injuries, oh take them in stride.
Oh, I'm stupid. Stupidly in love with tennis.

I'm a sucker.
A sucker for a good game, a ball hit dead perfect. Oh, I'd give up partying for hardcore fitness.
I love to see my opponent going down, however at the same time knowing the tables can turn after any shot, any volley, any serve. It's the beauty of the game, after all.
Oh, I'm a sucker. Sucker for the uncertainty of tennis. 

I'm an idiot.
An idiot because when I'm on court, I really can't figure out what's happening outside. The court is my temple.
I love my tan and how I'm always asked if I hate it(which I don't, its a part of who I am,now). I love how I feel after coming on court  after recovering from an injury, and how I'm at my best after it. I love how after 2 weeks of not playing because of severe injuries, the physio finally says, "You can now play."
Oh, I'm an idiot. An idiot to get lost in the violent action taking on place in an atmosphere of tranquility.

I'm a winner.
A winner because I will give each shot my best, serve the hardest serve, hit the most perfect ground-stroke, volley my best and smash the ball dead perfect. I love how I was always told I fall down 7 times, I will have to get up 8 times, and now I'm actually beginning to understand what it meant. I love how I have to give each molecule of my body to this beautiful beautiful game in order to expect something in return from it. I have to give this game each tiny bit of my soul.
Oh, I'm a winner. A winner because now my losses teach me more than my victories do.

But most of all, I'm a lover.
A lover of the swear, tears and blood shed. Lover of the injuries. Lover of the pain it brings. Lover of the exhaustion I face. Lover of sleeping late after completing school-work and then getting up early to train. Lover of the fact that I'm a proud student-athlete. Lover of  knowing I'm sore only because I gave 100 percent while practicing. Lover of physiotherapy. Lover of knowing that there is always a tennis session to look forward to. Lover of knowing that tennis is my reason to get up and work hard. Lover of knowing that this game, now, isn't only a sport, it's my passion. Lover of knowing that I want tennis more than anything I will ever want . Lover of knowing that tennis is an addiction I will never let go.
Oh, I'm a lover. A lover because playing tennis means its me...me against the world, battling it out, sweating through,

and winning. 

Change&endings

Change is the only thing that in constant in this ever changing world. Change is very hard to accept for some people, like me, while others are very comfortable even when they're forced to live outside their comfort zone. It's not like that with me. I hate change. Once I get used to my surroundings, I want them to stay the same forever, but then forever is a very strong word. Everything in this world changes-people,feelings,circumstances, ambitions, dreams, hopes, aspirations,tastes- you name it,nothing but change lasts forever. Pushing my boundaries and doing something that my comfort zone doesn't allow me to has always been a difficult task for me. I like to live in my own happy world, with my own happy people. I don't like unfamiliar faces, unfamiliar voices, unfamiliar, uncanny eyes, or unfamiliar places. I know I should change, for the better, but its like I'm so comfortable in my own skin. I like myself. I'm proud of what I am, but I really need to learn how to cope.

I've always hated endings,too. The ending of a movie,a book, a relationship, a memory, a trip. Reading the last chapter of a book, the last few minutes of a movie, the rush of emotions I feel when I know a particular friendship is coming to an end, the guilt I feel over a certain things, the really bad feeling that doesn't even allow me to enjoy the last day of a trip...It haunts me. Everything feels weird. The sad kind weird. I hate it,so much. It drains me out, emotionally. It's sad.

But nonetheless, change and endings are inevitable.

And I will have to cope with change and learn to say goodbye, someday.